last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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