I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize