I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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