theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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