we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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