Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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