his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
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I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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