Sry I called you an 8
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
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Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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