i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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