I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize