I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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