Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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