I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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