u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
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I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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