hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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