Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize