I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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