do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
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Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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