the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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