Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize