you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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