Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize