mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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