xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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