i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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