As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
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As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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