So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
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They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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