Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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