Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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