you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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