break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Is it because I queefed?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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