Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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