Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
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im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
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He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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