I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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