You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
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we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
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In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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