I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
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You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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