I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
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i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
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He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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