As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
