i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
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her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
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YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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