I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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