happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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