i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize