My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize