Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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