If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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