Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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