i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize