remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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