So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
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I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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