my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
zippers are such a cool invention
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize