Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize